"In my own time nobody knew the pain I was goin' through, and waitin' was all my heart could do." — The Carpenters, "Only Yesterday"

Undoubtedly, the hardest part of being single is the lack of intimacy and expression—just being able to pour out your heart, thoughts, feelings, longings and frustrations to someone who understands, and who you know won't criticize or judge you. Someone who accepts and loves you for who you are—who wants, needs, and desires you...just holding someone tight in your arms, and being held by them. Watching other couples holding hands, laughing, hugging, and kissing are things you've been waiting on, dreaming of, and longing for.

As much as marriage is certainly not all roses and has its own challenges, it is the only place designed by God to meet the very specific needs you have as a human being. To feel as though you are shut out from that—from ever knowing and experiencing something so potentially beautiful, fulfilling, and satisfying, something you were created for—is a frightening place to be. The apostle Paul talks about this very real need:

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is meeting other singles; after all, a relationship can never start without that initial connection. Simply seeing someone you're attracted to does not provide the chance to get to know them. Having plenty of time and opportunity to interact with others is key to learning and knowing what personalities and attributes you value most. Simply put, the more interaction you have, the more likely you are to find and get to know someone. In different ways, and among the myriad of different personalities and physical attributes, each of us are drawn to a specific combination that we find appealing or attractive, and because of this, the likelihood of meeting someone that we could see ourself with someday is small. In addition, most people marry in their twenties, so by the time you're in your 30s or 40s, the chances of meeting another single are very small indeed. Reducing those odds and increasing the chances are critical; but at the same time, marriage is a lifelong committment, and rushing into it with someone you're not completely sure about can be a dangerous thing. As the saying goes, "don't marry the person you can live with; marry the person you can't live without." The meshing of these two concerns is a challenging and often frustrating task.

The thoughtful intentions of matchmakers are valiant—they are some of the few people who sense deep down that you're struggling as a single person, and they genuinely want to help in any way they can. Unfortunately, putting two people together can be an awkward and often unsuccessful endeavor. Matchmakers are understandably eager to connect two single people together, but unfortunately some people are uncomfortable being 'match-made'; agreeing only to meet in an effort to placate the matchmaker.

Is there a difference between being selective and picky? The only way I know to answer that is by saying that when deciding on a spouse, selectiveness bears biblical truth and principles in mind, whereas pickiness refers solely to personal preference.

As strange as it sounds, no Adult Bible Fellowship for singles that I've been in has ever really ministered to the fact that you're single; in other words, no attempt was ever made purporting discussion or expression of the frustrations and challenges of being single. Instead of taking some time and actually talking about and addressing the issues and frustrations of singleness (or even just listening while singles share how or what they feel), leadership commonly operates as though everyone were settled and comfortable with it. What's needed are people who are willing to listen, and if possible, address them with honest, real-world answers grounded in Scripture; not reiterating theory or skirting the topic.

In addition, I dare say that the church/Christian community at large could do more to bring singles together; perhaps hosting local missions trips, ministry opportunities, or a dinner where singles can get to know others outside of their own church walls. A godly lady I knew made the comment that:

"I wish, in an ideal world, there would be a gathering for area singles that love the Lord and are so busy serving Him that they don't have time to meet each other."

I suspect many singles tend to be reclusive simply because they feel conspicuous and shut off; that they don't fit anywhere or matter to anyone.

Since there is rarely (if ever) a safe place for expression of thoughts and feelings in regards to being single, it's easy to believe that most singles harbor a lot of hurt, depression, and frustration within them. You will probably never know just how much they are affected, as it's all too easy to fake a smile on Sunday morning. For most singles, I venture to say that deep down, surviving each week is what keeps them emotionally and mentally alive.