Thoughts

Public

A Single View of Marriage | Biblical Sexuality | 'Christian' Books | Missionary Kids
Pet Peeves | Respecting Women | Single Notes | "Wild at Heart"?

Cell phones/texting | Smokers | Leeches | Body language? | Mood maniacs
Downright rude and lazy | Patronizers | Unsolicited 'advice'

Is there anything that really "torques your cork?" Having been asked that question on several occasions, I thought I would jot some of mine down:

Cell phones/texting

First and foremost, I want to stress that like any tool, use or misuse of cell phones all boils down to individual responsibility. However, because of their highly portable and visible nature, cell phones have introduced a number of problems beyond the phone booth. While cell phones themselves are not inherently evil, the odds are good that their owners are--let me explain.

As a technological tool, cell phones are an excellent amplifier of irresponsibility. If, as a person, you are not responsible, your cell phone will make others aware of that in no uncertain terms. For example, answering your phone while (and yes, all these have really happened):

• you're in a church service
• others are sharing from their heart about what a friend meant to them during their 60th birthday celebration
• you're supposed to be driving
• you're up on stage in the middle of your presentation
• helping yourself to food at a buffet
• you're watching a movie in the theater
• you're sitting on the toilet in a public restroom

Why do I despise cell phones? They perpetuate rude and irresponsible behavior. Some of my reasons include:

1. You will probably forget to turn it off when you're supposed to.
2. I don't want to hear your conversation. It distracts from the legitimate one I'm trying to have. Besides, there are TV soap operas that are far more entertaining--hearing only one side of a conversation is very distracting.
3. I might think you're talking to me because I cannot intuitively know you're wearing a headset.
4. They extend the grasp of Leeches.
5. Many people believe that because of them, they have a reason to talk anytime, anywhere.
6. Texting has become so pervasive that it unnecessarily precludes normal--and often necessary--interaction with people. Some teens/pre-teens no longer talk even on the cell phone, choosing rather to just "text".

Can they be helpful? Of course--after all, they have saved lives. However, it would be interesting to compare statistics on how many lives they have saved versus how many deaths they have caused, because like guns and alcohol, they can--and do--take innocent lives in the hands of irresponsible people.

Are they helpful? Sure, but only when used by someone who:

• leaves their phone set to "vibrate" so it doesn't disrupt with an obnoxious noise
• promptly moves to a remote location before speaking, so they minimize disturbing others
• if possible, sits at the back of the room so they can quickly and quietly leave
• keeps their voice down as much as possible when talking in a public area
• keeps the conversation to a minimum

Few people will dispute that when used responsibly, cell phones are capable of saving time, money, and again--lives. However, irresponsible use disrupts, distracts, and annoys. Jackie Chan's phone, for example, went off while he was filming a movie. From what I have seen, the majority of cell phone owners neither use them responsibly, nor have any desire to do so. Until that changes, cell phones will remain a nuisance.

Smokers

Also known as "dragons" or "volcanoes". In short, people who are intent on dying an early death, and taking others with them. It is a medical fact that second-hand smoke is more deadly than what smokers themselves inhale through their cigarette's filter. They create a choking stench, leave messes others usually have to clean up, ruin the experience of food, threatening others--and their own--health. There's a reason it's known as a "cancer stick".

Leeches

Not to be confused with Lychees (a tasty, juicy fruit), these are people who call you a "friend", but use you like a handout. They have no qualms in taking advantage of you and asking for personal favors even when they've made no attempt to compensate you or prove their request(s) are actually reasonable in the first place. They are notorious for showing little--if any--gratitude for the favor or help they've received.

How do you spot a leech? If someone:

• makes little or no effort to do something themselves first; i.e. "it's easier for me if you do it."
• expects or demands favors of you, and/or tries to make you feel guilty if you deny their request (often dropping tactless hints that you are the one being unreasonable)

Body language?

Cousins to the leeches, these are people who typically dominate conversations or go out of their way to engage in nothing more than small talk--having no idea (or just not caring) how disruptive and annoying they are to others. Similar in fashion to the leeches, they often feed on the kind and gracious natures of others and seem to insist on testing the limits of their patience. They neither know, nor practice, manners or consideration of others.

It would seem they either have no work to do, or are just 'taking a break'. If you have encountered these people, you've noticed that they:

• just want to chat for the sake of chatting, without legitimate reason or purpose
• rarely initiate mutually interesting conversation
• cannot tell from your irritation, fidgeting, yawns, and sheer lack of interest that they need to leave
• stand behind you and ask obvious questions while you're trying to get work done
• speak before they think, and make no apology for hurting others when (by their definition) it's "just part of my personality"
• have no problem wasting your time when you're busy and they want to talk, but show agitation and lack of patience when you have something legitimate to ask them, and they're busy

Some of these people show additional traits such as: being nosy, inconsiderate, insensitive, tactless, pushy or needlessly confrontational. Some will create problems and make others look bad through their complete lack of planning or timing...i.e. "a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." Sadly, being gracious toward these people is like trying to pet a porcupine.

Mood maniacs

Blood brothers to those who cannot read body language (or simply don't bother), these are people who are convinced that everyone around them should feel exactly as they do, and take it as a personal insult if you don't. They feel it is their responsibility to make you feel the same way. If they're excited, you should be too! If they're a 'perky' morning person, why aren't you? I'm not referring to people who are simply polite in greeting you, but rather those who seemingly go out of their way (read: border on being obnoxious) to try and make you match their mood.

Downright rude and lazy

These are people who:

• refuse to park straight so that they absorb two parking spots instead of one; often forcing you to park next to them, and as a result, squeezing yourself in and out of your car
• take pleasure in spitting on public walkways and parking lots
• could care less about using trashcans
• never clean up their own mess
• never bother to put items back where they belong (e.g. in a supermarket: meat from the butchery left to spoil on a shelf in the snacks aisle)

Patronizers

Typically, these are waitresses at any number of restaurants across the country who, for some obscure reason, feel the need to patronize you by referring to you via falsely endearing terms, such as "Sweetie", "Honey", or simply "Hon". Which is not acceptable. If I called them "Sweetie" or "Hon", I could be sued for sexual harassment, or beaten to a pulp if their boyfriend overheard our conversation. I am a customer who does not have an intimate relationship with them, and it bothers me when they refer to me with the same language they use when speaking to their 2-year-old child. I respectfully call them "Ma'am", so they can respectfully call me "Sir". I believe in being generous with the tips I leave...if I'm given a reason to leave them.

Unsolicited 'advice'

Has it ever bothered you when someone gave some 'helpful' advice or suggestions without your asking for it? Having been the recipient of this in the past, I trust I'm learning to never do it to someone else. Telling someone "You need to..." and "I think you should..." are two of the best ways to insert distance between any friendship, especially when speculation and lack of sufficient knowledge are the only things the 'advice' is based on. A lack of genuine compassion and understanding doesn't help, either.

Comments or criticism?